Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Randomize
