So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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