I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Randomize
