you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
