so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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