Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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