apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
