I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
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explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
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It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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