I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
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