Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize
