I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
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she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
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My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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