I'm going to jail i love you
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
