walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize