A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
