He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
two words...techno handjob
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
