Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
