I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
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