there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
3 2 1 whiskey
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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