Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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