Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
