I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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