shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
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His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
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