garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
