if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize