I like my sex mixed with concussions.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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