He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
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