You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
My penis needs a shock collar
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
