I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
