she woke up with a sticky ear
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
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