I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
