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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
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