And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Randomize
