if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
