I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
