I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
