omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
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Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
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I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
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