you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
