just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Are my feet made of real feet?
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Randomize
