i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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