Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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