ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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