they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
