if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
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