This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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