theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Randomize
