i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I think I sprained my soul last night
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize
