i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
