You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
