New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
