READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
