it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
