I'm pants shitting drunk right now
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize