sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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