Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Randomize
