we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
