How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
