I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
