well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
