Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
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