Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
