I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
