Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
