Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
