i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
