Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
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I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
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the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
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