The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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