I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
