Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
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We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
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