I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
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