I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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