Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
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he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
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