Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
