she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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