I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
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