I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Randomize
