Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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