I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
