Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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