my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
