saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
