Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
