This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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