tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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